Sunday, August 1, 2010

Show the World all the Love in Your Heart

You've got to wake up every morning with a smile on your face,
And show the world all the love in your heart;
People're gonna treat you better,
They're going to find (yes they will) that you're beautiful.
--Carole King

I've been turning these lines over in my head a lot lately, especially since I wrote this post. I think that I haven't always been able to get up every morning with a smile, and haven't always been effective in showing other people the incredible, indescribable love I feel for the world. I do struggle hard with clinical depression, but that doesn't change the fact that I find magic in the world around me every day (in fact, it has been that wonder that, many times, has saved me); I think it does, however, help get in the way of my interaction with others. I can't change that fact that I get depressed sometimes (it's biologically part of who I am), but I can manage it better and I can be more aware of how my emotional stability affects the way I deal with others. I hope that, by being a bit more self-aware, I can move uphill from here.

Extremely excitingly, I've had big strides with both Kiki and Ringo in the past few days. Kiki is back under saddle!! We've been keeping it light and breezy, and while I don't think she's been feeling 1000%, she's been feeling pretty darn good. She comes out every day generally short all around, but works out of it nicely. She's been super quiet, which I can't decide if it's good or not; obviously I like not getting run away with (as often), but I'm a bit worried that it's a sign that she's still not feeling totally herself. Maybe I've just trained her a little bit! (hahahahaha - I can't even type that with a straight face). In any case, though, I can't describe how good it feels to be riding her again. After Ringo's injury, and then her soundness scare at Stuart, I've definitely been more aware of how lucky I am every time I get to put my foot in the stirrup to mount up.

(What a lucky girl I am)

We even got to do a little cross country schooling two days ago - no jumping, just cantering around and popping into the water and off the drop a few times. She was so awesome! She's getting so grown up =) Papa and Dually came along with us just in case we needed a lead into the water, but since she was so good they just got to chill out; my mom came along too as our groundperson (and awesome photographer!), and it was extra special because she hasn't seen Kiki go that much since I started riding her. Kiki definitely enjoyed showing off for all of them! I can't believe how amazing she is. I feel so, so lucky that I get to be the one that tacks her up every day. The best part? Her leg looked awesome afterward!!

(Aww... father - daughter moment)

(Twinkle toes!)


(Such a good girl)

(Super careful in the water...)

(... and super careful out!)

(Nice and quiet, like an old pro)

(Such a perfect little Wahine)

I'm still trying to figure out whether to take her to Millbrook or not. She's very fit so I wouldn't be worried about it being too much of an ask for her physically, the vet's recommendations are to go back into full work, and the leg has been looking pretty good of late. But still, I'm feeling apprehensive. I want to go to Millbrook BADLY, as it's my favorite event of all, I haven't been in two years, and I don't have the prospect of going for several years more after this... but I'm not going to jeopardize my horse just to make it to a show that I want to go to. It's a hard call, and I'm definitely going to be stewing on it over the next two days.

(Whatever happens, I just want to do right by this wonderful horse)

In Ringo news, the stem cell process has begun! Yesterday the vet came to do the cell collection. In the end, we decided to do the fat collection instead of the bone marrow, just because it would be a little easier for everyone involved and the ultimate stem cell quality is pretty comparable. I wanted to take pictures, but about 30 seconds into watching the vet gouge big hunks of fat out of my horse's butt, I was about to pass out. It's so strange: I can deal with big gaping wounds and watch the vet sew them up with no problem whatsoever, but there's something about active procedures (where the vet makes the wound in the first place) that just makes me queasy. I ended up holding Ringo (in a position where I mercifully couldn't see what the vet was doing) while my dad held the collection tubes. Ringo was a total champ, just losing his patience a little bit during the suturing process when he began to wake up and the bugs started driving him crazy. The cells are going to take a few days to culture, and then should be ready to inject Thursday. Very exciting!

Finally, July is over (how did that happen??), which means it's time for the monthly goal wrap-up and set. This post is getting awful long, though, so I think I'll save that for another time.

1 comment:

Val said...

The picture of you two riding in front of the field of flowers is absolutely gorgeous and worth framing.

Stem cell therapy is very interesting. I did not know the applications for horses until I read your post.

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