Kiki is 8 today!!
It's so hard to believe - I still remember meeting her for the first time as a four year old, getting to know her as a five year old, and going to our first show together on her sixth birthday. This is the second of her birthdays that I've been away from her for, which makes me pretty bummed, but I'm really happy to know that she's happy at home with my parents.
I've been feeling really anxious/eager/desperate to get back into eventing in the past few months, mostly because I've in many ways never felt so far away from the eventing world. When I was in England I wasn't riding, but I was going to shows and dreaming eagerly about getting back to Kiki and competing again.
Now, it's not so clear. I still don't know if Kiki is going to be my next event horse, but I've become determined to try again and see my relationship with her out to the end. It's hard for me to get over my deep, deep, deep love for her, that goes way beyond any rational considerations of her worth or athletic ability. In many ways, she's always been my perfect little dream pony: she's just the size, color, and temperament that I've always fantasized about.
I just can't overstate how much I love being around her in the barn: she's personable, sweet, intelligent, and kind. I'm really frustrated that I lose this side of her often when she's under saddle, and she becomes pissy or defensive. I feel like I've let her down training-wise, and haven't given her the tools she needs to be successful.
I've determined that when I get to start riding her again, I'm going to take as many steps back as necessary to get her back on the right track, even if it means going back to long-lining/groundwork/whatever it takes. I owe it to her to give her a great foundation of basics that she can take forward into her career, whatever that may end up being.
Kiki, I love you and miss you. Happy Birthday, Piglet.